First, this isn't really about food, but more importantly, about the actions or intentions you practice. This is about self-worth and self-love. In other words, what are the habits or tendencies that you have adopted in your life that convince or discredit your sense of value and the message given to others?
Does this sound familiar? You spend time lovingly preparing a meal for your family, and inevitably you habitually take the one burnt piece of chicken for yourself.
It's such a habit. Yet, that action speaks volumes about how you feel about yourself and how others perceive you—a subconscious message of self-worth and value.
It lives in that piece of chicken but can also be revealed in your calendar, created to work around everyone else's priorities. Or in the board room, where everyone else's opinion or what they share is more important. You can find it in how you spend your money—as other's needs are more important than yours. Or when it comes to fulfilling your creative dreams or desires—when your dreams only become acknowledged after others are realized. And what about your restaurant choices, vacations, and adventures—do you ever get a say?
Now that we've begun to uncover all these ways this subconscious message may be showing up for you, let's explore the WHY? Why do you put yourself last? Deny your personal needs and desires? Accommodate so easily? Place the oxygen mask on others before placing it on yourself?
For many, the greatest fear is that someone may accuse you of being selfish, self-absorbed, or a narcissist. OUCH! I bet that it would feel horrible to carry one of those labels.
It could very well be your way of avoiding conflict or contention. And although some thrive on discourse, that sure isn't me!
Could it also be the way you were taught and conditioned? After all, you were probably influenced by an expert, like MOM, who holds a Ph.D. in Suffer and Sacrifice.
But chances are this role, that one may call a martyr, has served you in many ways.
Do you remember that commercial for Life Cereal, "let's give it to Mikey - he'll eat anything!"
How about, "Let's give it to Mom, she doesn't care! Let's ask Dad, he can't say NO! Mary, she'll go along with anything".
In addition to being supported and encouraged along the way, it feels awfully nice when someone acknowledges that you are so giving and selfless.
Compliments on your generous spirit and concern for others' well-being can feel good and rewards you for being the peacekeeper or peacemaker. We carry that perception around like a badge of honor!
And yet, these roles can be exhausting, joyless, and self-sabotaging. A message that we do not matter. A definite path to suffering, regret, and resentment.
I have always claimed that I have never met a healthy martyr, have you?
So here is your challenge this week, don't take the burnt piece of chicken for yourself.
You don't have to share this intention with anyone else; let it be your own experience or experiment. Then notice how it feels.
You may experience discomfort at first, but keep going. Shifting these subconscious habits and tendencies may take time.
This may look like creating your calendar first focusing on one or two joyful things that are important to you rather than everyone else.
You could decide where you would like to go to dinner, vacation, or topic of conversation amongst friends.
And here is a big one, how about you share what you are noticing or feeling about yourself and your life before asking someone else how they are.
I bet making this slight pivot will not turn you into a narcissist but instead help you find a happier, healthier balance in your life!
It may even slightly increase your feelings of self-worth and value. And if that happened, what are the possibilities?
Another great self-exploratory tool is the FREE Procrastination Exercise available on my website. I invite you to print the tool out and use it to discover and explore what you are getting (the Payoff) and what you are losing (the Cost) for placing yourself last.
Practicing this self-inquiry can offer you a great path to self-actualization, self-realization, freedom, and probably more joy... And who can't use more JOY?